a final bow....for now...

8 1/2 years ago, i fell into what i thought was a dream:  the opportunity to make a living as a stage performer.  doing theater and getting paid...two things that, up until that point, had never been spoken in the same sentence in my life.   after a bit of careful consideration, i decided that it was something i simply had to do.  so i quit my "real" job, packed some bags and set out on the adventure of what would soon be known in my life as "living the dream"....or as a few of my friends like to call it, being LTD.

and what a dream it has been!  for a kid from idaho, who never really thought he would ever get to do anything like this in his life, there have been so many wonderful moments and memories throughout it all.  from an almost 2 year national tour of a musical to performing at the white house for the president and first lady, from performing on the stages at the kennedy center for the performing arts to performing my most favorite musical, "1776", on one of the most famous stages in american history, ford's theatre, i have found a way over the past 8 1/2 years to make a living by getting paid to do theater.  isn't that ridiculously awesome? 

with that quest to 'live the dream' came some challenges and "consequences", as well.  (many of which make sense, but i didn't really think about when i jumped in head first.)   because being an actor is oft times very "short term" employment (many contracts run anywhere from 2-5 months, normally), you are always on the look out for the next gig and the next gig and then the next gig.  (can you imagine if office jobs were like that?  only 2 or 3 months long ever?  and you just had to keep lining them up?  awful.)  also, because you are an actor who wants to work, that means you have to take jobs when they come.   it doesn't matter if they coincide with holidays and vacations and family events.  for the most part, you take the jobs and you keep getting jobs because you are available and present and work hard.  and no matter how much you work, chances are high that the money isn't that great...so you probably will have a 2nd (and 3rd or 4th) job to make ends meet...and to fill in the spaces when you can't find that "next gig" for awhile.  but these are all things that you learn to accept because in the end, you want the chance to tell the stories or sing the songs or wear the costumes or be in the spotlight...or a combination of them all.

i have accepted these "conditions" of the job and have apologized over the years for missing holidays and gatherings and trips and events...and the people in my life have been wonderful and understanding and very supportive at every turn.  i really have been blessed through it all with an amazing foundation of support from people who i have always felt were cheering me on and rooting for my success.

2012 was a year of record for me for a couple of reasons....one is that i got the chance to do 2 shows that i really, truly love and have been dying to do ("1776" and "Seussical"), and the other is that after it's all said and done and the costumes are put away and the lights are turned off, i have decided to put this adventure of "living the dream" away for awhile (may be a year, or 5 or 12) and focus on the parts of my life that have been patiently waiting in the wings.

i think this all came about because 2012 was definitely a year of change within my family.  my oldest niece got married - my 3 oldest nephews all graduated from high school - and a majority of my nieces and nephews (14 in all) suddenly were young adults with full, active lives and taking part in events (mainly the sporting type) that i was missing clear across the country.   what made it tough was having commitments to shows in washington dc and not being able to make a quick trip home for a graduation or a wedding (or my 20 year high school reunion.)(that's right.  20 years.)   if they lived down the road it would be one thing - i'd get an understudy to go on so i could go to a wedding or watch a graduation.  but when they live 2,300 miles away, it's more than just a day out of the show, and there are always hefty travel fees involved.  you're looking at being gone numerous days, and having to choose one niece or nephew's event over another since you couldn't possibly do all three or four AND still keep your job/show.

these decisions to miss life moments started weighing heavy on me earlier last year, and i started to re-evaluate what i am doing and what is keeping me away from the people who have known me the longest and loved me the best.  what i decided was this:  20 years from now, those kids aren't going to care if i did 'shlemiel the first' or '1776' or 'shear madness' in a theater in washington dc...but they will probably say that it kind of sucks that i'm not in their wedding albums or in the photos of their graduations.  they will barely remember the name of the character i played on the 'willy wonka' tour, but they will remember that i never actually was able to take the time to watch them play in their state basketball tournaments or in their sophomore volleyball tournaments.

none of this is to say that there isn't something to the fact that i (an uncle, a brother, a son, a friend) took a risk in stepping into the unknown to follow this dream of mine...and came up somewhat successful in many ways.  there are lessons i'd love for my family and friends to take away from what i have done - to take more chances, to follow your heart, to get up after you face plant in the middle of the stage in front of a sold-out house and go on with the musical number, to find something you love and find a way to do it every day.   i am proud to say that i went on this incredible journey of being a professional actor, and i found my way through it a lot on my own at first...just through trial and error...and then with the guidance of the wonderful friends i have gained through it all.  in the end, it has been an exciting, thrilling, humbling, scary, joyful, rewarding and marvelous experience.

what it boils down to is that in 2012, as i got another year older, my priorities shifted...as they are known to do.  i realized that what was important and necessary for me 8 1/2 years ago has changed today.   that's not to say i want to abandon my theater connections all together - i will keep my membership in my union, i will continue working with the ford's theatre education department on the programs that i do with them (more on those another time), i will seek out opportunities to do readings and workshops and to choreograph and maybe direct.   but what i will try to not do is be in a situation where i have to miss more of the life events that are happening in my family.

as i took a final bow today on stage during our final performance of "seussical the musical" i was hit with a wave of emotions...joy for the past 8 1/2 years and for the highs and lows that i have had in my theater career, appreciation for the people this adventure has brought into my life and whom i consider some of my dearest friends, love for the support i have received from friends and family across the miles and over the years as i lived this life on stage, and excitement for what the ending of this adventure means...and for the beginning of the next chapter of my life.

there is more to come in future entries on what is next - but know that it involves more time popping out of boxes, cheering at ballgames, visiting friends, seeing the world, watching more theater...and on and on and on.   there will always be stages to perform on...and i have not ruled out the possibility that somewhere down the road i might want to be back on one...but for now, i'm excited to see what 2013 has in store for me and my family and friends...and to be an active participant in all that this new year has in store!