Keeping You Abreast

So I have to be upfront with you right here at the first. We're going to talk about BOOBS in this blog entry. I'm not proud of it...and I'm not saying this is going to be a regular practice...but atleast today, boobs are the topic of this story. So you'll just have to prepare yourself.

Saturday night, my friend, Duane, asked if I wanted to go see a few of our friends in a musical out in Maryland. Although I generally make it a practice not to go to Maryland unless absolutely necessary, I relented and headed to the show. After we arrived and took our seats, and as we were waiting for the show to begin, we both noticed (at the same time) a young girl, she appeared to be 15 or 16 years old, enter the audience with her boyfriend and her large and very fake breasts. Yes....that's right. Breasts. From halfway up the theater, it was easy to see that SOMEONE had bypassed the traditional back-to-school-shopping-spree for the much hipper and easily identifiable back-to-school-augmentation. I quickly said, "Duane...do you see those things?" And he dryly responded, "Matt....everyone can see those things."

The couple made their way up the aisles, in the theater that was reportedly sold out and filling up fast, and stopped at our row to slide past us. They ended up sitting right next to Duane, and over the next 4 or 5 minutes before the show started, I continued to peek around Duane to try and get a better idea of how old she was AND to get a better look at the orbs. In this new, closer range, I came to 2 more definite conclusions: first, she was definitely in the 15-17 year old age bracket, and secondly, those things were definitely fake. They had that too-perfect roundness and that line that looked like someone has put a plate under them. As the lights went down and the overture started, I took one last look and then turned to watch the show.

At intermission, I ran into my friend Mike who I had done a show with a couple of years ago. We stood in the lobby and caught up on each others lives. At one point, the young woman Duane and I had sat by walked through the lobby, and Mike said, "Matt. Did you see that girl?" And I pointed out, as Duane had, that "everyone saw her." We noticed her standing on the other side of the lobby, and Mike and I commented back and forth about how young she looked and how fake THEY looked. And as we were chatting, Mike suddenly said, "she's coming over."

At first, I thought he was joking. And then I noticed out of the corner of my eye that indeed, this young (YOUNG) woman was heading our way....with her 2 friends leading the way.

Instantly, on the inside, I panicked. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I started to think FOR SURE she had heard us talking and laughing...or noticed me stealing glances before the show...and she was coming to serve me a piece of her mind...in all her teen-age wisdom. As she approached, Mike and I continued to talk about something theater-related, and acted like we didn't notice her approach. (Smooth...I know.) And finally, she was standing next to us.

We both glanced over, and she looked at me, smiled and said, "Sorry to interrupt your conversation...." I smiled back and said, "Oh no problem. Can I help you?" (All the while, on the inside......I was still screaming, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!")

She shyly tucked her short, bobbed blonde hair behind her ear and said, "I know you're not going to remember me, but I was in a production of HONK! with you about 6 years ago or so in McLean. My name is A. I was one of the kids in the show. I'm a senior at Holton Arms Academy now...but I must've been in 5th or 6th grade when we did that show. Anyway, I saw you and just wanted to come over and say HI."




AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!



I don't remember much else....I know I smiled and scrambled to find her in my memory...and I did, actually. I had remembered she had had long blonde hair, and she told me she had just recently donated it to Locks Of Love. (Very admirable.) And I remembered her mom helping with the show, somehow. (Mom's still doing well....) Other than that, I just hope that I kept the look of shock off my face....and I hope even more that I kept my eyes at her eye level as we conversed....and didn't drift to her latest developments.

So yeah....that was pretty awkward.

Plus I forgot my camera in the car. All the ROTTEN luck.